• Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer

Co-Parenting Solutions, LLC

Living Separately, Parenting Together: Solutions to Meet Your Family’s Unique Needs

  • Home
  • About
    • Jordana Wolfson
    • Resources
    • Testimonials
    • Client Forms
  • Services
    • Co-Parenting Counseling
    • Collaborative Divorce
    • Mediation
    • Parenting Time Agreements
    • Parenting Time Coordination
    • Blended Families
  • Blog
  • Contact

Jordana Wolfson / March 22, 2018

Guest Blog: What This Child of Divorce Wishes He’d Said to His Parents

Spread the love

Co-Parenting Solutions, LLC is happy to share this blog written by Jay Williams, who works for Quickie Divorce, an online provider of divorce solutions. He lives in Cardiff, Wales with his wife and two-year-old daughter, Eirys.

My parents’ divorce had a profound effect on me. Not so much the process of them separating and ending their marriage which, as it took place when I was a toddler, is something I simply don’t remember. Rather, it is the memories of how they behaved in specific circumstances that still resonate with me to this day.

It was always apparent to me that my parents harboured a great deal of resentment towards one another. Yes, they tried to protect me from this; regularly putting on a united front when necessary; attending parents’ evenings together; both coming to my school sports day to cheer me on etc. but there was one vital aspect of post-divorce parenting they failed to grasp: the need for consistency when making decisions about how to raise me and to refrain from criticising the other’s decisions when I was present. This failure was what left me, as a young child, in no doubt that my parents did not only dislike but actually resented one another.

It’s important to note that my parents were very different people and, as a result, had very different views when it came to how I should be brought up. My father was traditional and meticulous whereas my mother was far more liberal.  In an arrangement that is reflective of that experienced by most children of divorce, my mother was my primary carer and was therefore largely responsible for teaching me how to behave. When I would then spend time with my father, I was regularly informed that the way I behaved was unacceptable and told to change. This consistently contravened what I had been taught by my mother, and, as a young child incapable of determining why I was receiving conflicting instructions, I found myself confused, frustrated and, at times, resentful.

Unsure of why I was receiving contradictory advice and lacking in both the age and experience needed to effectively evaluate my parent’s respective positions, I sought clarification from them and, when doing so, brought the negative feelings they had for one another to the fore.

My requests for enlightenment were not met with explanations but rather diatribes of criticism directed at my other parent. If I asked my father why my mother had informed me that a type of behaviour was acceptable, he’d say that she was ‘too soft’. My mother, on the other hand, would state that my father was ‘out-of-touch’ and ‘old-fashioned’. Both would also insist that the other parent was wrong and made no allowance for diplomacy or objectivity.

On reflection, it’s clear that this lack of consistency had a substantial effect on my emotional wellbeing and my ability to make effective decisions. Indeed, it still does to this day. I loved both my parents and found their behaviour hurtful – I simply couldn’t understand how anyone that I held in such high regard could be disliked so intensely by another person that I respected and admired.

Two years ago, I became a parent myself and – whilst my wife and I are still happily married – my prior experience serves as a constant reminder of the fact that this may not always be the case. By contemplating the experiences described above, though, I have been able to conclude that – should my wife and I ever separate – we will need to remain civil and, when we disagree on how to raise our daughter, to discuss our disagreements in private and compromise whenever possible. Furthermore, and most importantly, we have agreed that we will never speak about one another negatively in front of our daughter under any circumstances.

So, whilst it has taken me more than two decades, I now know what I wish I had told my parents all those years ago: ‘please put your differences aside, discuss your differences of opinions with open minds and look to establish consistent rules for me, and please, please don’t talk about each other so disparagingly when I’m with you.’

In defence of mine and other parents in this situation, I appreciate how easy it is to let emotions dictate actions but, when you find yourself becoming irritated and your child/children are present, take a deep breath and remember how much their wellbeing matters to you. This will give you all the motivation you need to put those negative feelings to one side so that you can work through them at a more appropriate time.

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)

Related

Filed Under: Co-Parenting Solutions

Footer

Contact

Spread the love

Co-Parenting Solutions
Jamestowne Executive Offices
31000 Telegraph Rd., Ste 280
Bingham Farms, MI 48025

248.330.5351
Email

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)

Related

About

Spread the love

Co-Parenting Solutions provides a multi-level approach to services that focuses on reducing parental conflict in order to enhance the child’s emotional functioning. Co-Parenting Solutions offers programs to address the relationship between separate households created as a result of separation or divorce.

Learn more | Book a Session

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)

Related

Follow Us on Facebook

Follow Us on Facebook

Copyright © 2023 Co-Parenting Solutions, LLC

  • Home
  • About
    ▼
    • Jordana Wolfson
    • Resources
    • Testimonials
    • Client Forms
  • Services
    ▼
    • Co-Parenting Counseling
    • Collaborative Divorce
    • Mediation
    • Parenting Time Agreements
    • Parenting Time Coordination
    • Blended Families
  • Blog
  • Contact
Collaborative Divorce with Mental Health Professional Agreement
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Test Agreement

For testing only
Consent for In-Person Services During Covid-19 Public Health Crisis
  • Name of client or person acting as legal representative for the purposes of this agreement.
  • Email address of client or representative for purposes of this agreement.
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.
Client Intake Form

Step 1 of 3

33%
  • Please list shared children name(s) and age(s), one per line.
  • Please list non-shared children name(s) and age(s), one per line.
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.
Contract for Mediation Services
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.
Contract for Court-Related Services
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.
Contract for Co-Parenting Counseling and Skill Building Sessions
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.
Consent for Therapeutic Treatment
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.
Consent for Minor Therapeutic Treatment
  • Please add the first and last names, one per line, for each additional minor covered by this agreement.
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.
Authorization to Release Confidential Information

Step 1 of 2 - Client / Signer Information

50%
  • One minor name and dob per line.
  • This information will be released to Jordana Wolfson, LMSW, MA, ED SP, of Co-Parenting Solutions, LLC.

  • Person / Agency Releasing Information

    List up to three entities that are authorized to release information.
  • Person / Agency Releasing Information #2

  • Person / Agency Releasing Information #3

  • Information to be Released

  • This authorization is in effect for up to 5 years from date of signature unless you rescind same in writing to Jordana Wolfson, 31000 Telegraph Road, Suite 280, Bingham Farms, MI 48025.

    Select all that apply.
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.
Authorization for Teletherapy
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.
Credit Card on File Policy
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.
Notice of Privacy
  • Name of client or person acting as legal representative for the purposes of this agreement.
  • Email address of client or representative for purposes of this agreement.
  • MM slash DD slash YYYY
  • MM slash DD slash YYYY
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Contact Us

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Download our Co-Parenting FAQ