I’ve been blogging for so long now, that I sometimes forget to introduce myself and my purpose to new readers! So this month, I’d like to share why I started blogging in the first place, and what I hope to achieve by continuing to do so.
Simply put, my mission is to make the world a better place for children of divorce.
When I write a blog, I share it on social media and I also email it to my list of colleagues and clients, past and present, but I realize if you have not been a client of mine, you may not understand my philosophy.
When I meet with new clients, I make a point of saying that I am always going to talk from the point of the ideal, knowing full well that it’s not realistic for everybody, nor sometimes even possible. A good therapist should show a vision of what you can be and what you can do. But in the end, it’s your choice, and some recommendations are going to work for you while some will not.
In divorce – and in every family! – each person has a unique, nuanced situation. Not a few times, I’ve said to a client, “I usually advise this, but your case is so unique, you probably need to do this instead.”
Since I write just one blog a month, I usually choose to expound upon an issue that I see cropping up in co-parenting situations with my clients. I try to use this as a platform for information and best practices, to offer advice and the reasoning behind it. I don’t have time or space to say, “Hey, it’ s up to you – do what works best for your family!”
I have become a crusader for children’s best situations because ultimately, that’s why I do this work: to help children have the smoothest childhood despite what is happening in their parents’ lives and relationships.
I won’t apologize for that – I believe this is an important goal, and one we would all embrace if we weren’t so muddled, hurt or angry about our relationship situations.
I share my blogs as a way to reconnect with past clients, get in touch with colleagues I haven’t seen in a while, and share my wisdom, training and personal experiences in case they might help others be happier and more successful.
When I first opened my practice, I was told by experienced business owners that I needed to blog to get clients. As a rule follower, I did what I was told!
Then I got so busy, I could not find time to blog, so I gave it up! I am grateful to receive referrals from attorneys, Friend of the Court and past clients, so blogging was not necessary.
But then I heard another piece of advice: someone said that my daily experience of learning from my clients is important to share with others. They said my voice needed to be heard to expand how I might assist people who might not work with me directly.
Ever the crusader for children, I resonated with this advice. So I began writing again, this time to share my expertise and provide guidance for people who need or want it.
The added benefit that I never realized I would receive is how often I hear from past clients with great updates on how well their families are doing!! Sending out this blog is one way I stay in touch with their lives and cheer on their progress.
I hope somebody will take something from a blog I write and let it help them see where they might unintentionally do something that could hurt their children. Perhaps my blog could show how can to make lasting, positive change.
Or they might be able to appeal to their ex by sending them what I write, with a note saying, “Here’s somebody who’s writing something about what is good for our children.”
It is always for the children.
I won’t apologize for sharing best practices. I won’t apologize for standing firm in my perspectives.
And I won’t apologize for being direct.
It’s difficult to have clarity on your own situation. I bring an outside perspective and objectivity, which help clarify the situation.
Divorce is at least a two-year process of grieving and finding yourself, and it’s difficult for the adults who are divorcing.
But our kids don’t have time to waste. They don’t have time to wait for us to get better or figure it all out.
We are expected to be at our best when we are not at our best. Our kids are desperate for stability, security and clarity, because childhood is quick and fleeting.
Plus, their brain development is happening right now, quickly. The architecture of how their brain is developing can so easily change from things happening around them.
This is why I write with urgency about how imperative it is to get this right. Even knowing it is one of the hardest things in the world to do.
I don’t judge people. I look back on things I did in the first years of my divorce and co-parenting, and cringe. I know I could have done it better. But at the time, I did the best with what I had.
I try to be open with people that while I have had the luxury of being able to learn a lot in the 14 years since I divorced, early on I definitely made mistakes.
It is from some of those mistakes that I can share what doesn’t work or how to reframe the story, so everyone benefits.